Yesterday obviously started out hard. When we woke up we both sobbed and asked ourselves if Sienna was really gone. Unfortunately the reality was there and we knew that we had to rise and face the day for ourselves, for Sienna and for Avery.
Robin’s parents had come back into town on Wednesday to help us so we were without some of the stresses that we had been facing. Because we were going to meet with the neurologist they opted to stay home. As we signed in I fell to tears. For the previous two weeks the receptionists would, as we walked up, ask us to which room we wished to go first. There would be no need for that anymore and they knew it. We got to Avery’s room and her nurse told us that we could give her a bath. I loved doing so.
The meeting with the neurologist was somewhat encouraging with her explaining that despite what had been thought before, Avery’s brain injury was not the most severe on both sides, still severe but not the most severe. She further explained that we should expect to see developmental delays and cerebral palsy as Avery grows. Obviously these are challenges that no parent really wants to face but after losing Sienna on the previous day these challenges seem like a pretty good option.
We got a pretty late start for our evening visit and we again found that having no need to go into two rooms was hard. At her bed we found her resting pretty peacefully. As I reached in to touch her little body the alerts on one of her monitors told us that she was enjoying the visit.
The nurse that had been with us through everything with Sienna came to visit us and she brought a lovely album, molds of Sienna’s hand and footprints as well as the gown she had been dressed in for us to hold her. We expressed our gratitude. Beyond her smile I noticed that her eyes didn’t have the same glow that had been there before Sienna’s passing. Robin and I both believe that she, especially, is suffering this loss with us.
How do parents plan the funeral of their newborn daughter and still maintain focus on another daughter that’s in the hospital as well as the oldest one at home? We are going to have to find a way.