The Pull

Although I’ve written dozens of blog posts in my head over the last few months, none of them have ended up here.  Somehow, it has oddly felt like nothing I could write would come out correctly, or do the feelings justice.   I’ve been enjoying every moment I can with our little miracle and trying to adjust to how difficult it is to be a working mom.   For years, I’ve coached clients who struggled with how to balance being a successful professional, and also be a mom to an infant.  I had long observed that although the struggle included realities of exhaustion and time constraints, it seemed to have more to do with their maternal instincts and the sense that this time of their children’s life was irreplaceable and sacred, and way too short.  That somehow corporate politics, business deals, and high heels seem a bit irrelevant and insignificant after creating human life in your womb, and experiencing something so profound and so real at first glimpse of your child’s face.   Now, having been back to work full time since February, I’m directly experiencing this pull myself and handling it better on some days than others.  Most days I try to remind myself that we’ve been through a very long journey that makes it even more raw, real, and heart wrenching to have to “think” about business strategy and reaching goals each day, rather than just embracing what I feel that I am right now…. a mom….in its entirety.   This is not a new challenge for women, just a new one for me.  

I’m extremely blessed and fortunate that I actually really enjoy my work and have designed a career that affords me a lot of flexibility and autonomy.   I also have a wonderful husband who truly astounds me with how magnificent of a dad he is, And, it’s STILL ridiculously hard.   

So, I remind myself that frankly, I may just be tired….or grieving…or both.   I remind myself that nothing about the last few years has been easy, that my body has been through a lot, that being in the hospital under constant stress for 5 months was not a real maternity leave, that our hearts have been broken, as well as overjoyed.   I remind myself that it will likely get easier, and that there are dear friends of ours who are STILL in the NICU, so we are blessed.   I remind myself that someday I’ll “do something” with these emotions and somehow help other mom’s in a more meaningful way, because I’ve directly experienced this “pull” myself.   I sure hope so.

Beautiful Avery - laughing as she so often does... What valuable lessons she can teach us about resilience and courage.

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3 Responses to The Pull

  1. Stacey Slone says:

    Happy Mother’s Day, Robin! The most difficult, but definitely, the most rewarding job of all – motherhood!

  2. Rebecca McKown says:

    I think you have helped so many mothers already with your open honest posts. And, for those of us not knowing quite what you are going through, we at least can be thankful that our children were born healthy. We can all appreciate those little moments with our children.

  3. LeighP says:

    Happy Mother’s Day! You have already done “SOMETHING” by sharing your story and helping us all to remember to count our blessings each and every day. Your positive outlook inspires us all. The best thing about motherhood is not only experiencing the simple pleasures and absolute joy of having a child that we carried and nurtured from the very beginning, but the fact that we get to do it over each and every day all the while learning as we go along. Perfection is only in the eyes of the beholder and we can only put our best foot forward each day all the while juggling all the balls in our lives. You are both amazing parents.

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